So... when i moved into my apartment in Battersea, there was no paperwork, no bond, no official agreements. At the time, I thought this was a great I dea... I could get out whenever i wanted, eveything was very relaxed and easy going... what I should have been issued was a piece of paper that simply said "THIS HOUSEHOLD WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN APPROXIMATELY 9 MONTHS"
Let me give you the low down... its gonna be in pointform because i am sick or relaying the story...
In the inerests of personal security... the names of those of involved been changed.
* I was living with "Charleen" and "Raymond"
* Everything was fine, we went out together, had a laugh together - it was good times.
* I stopped drinking completely to focus on my singing and up coming auditions (blog about that yet to be published)
* "Raymond" and "Charleen" thought it would be a good idea to become a little "more" than housemates... (if you know what I mean)
* I made it quite clear to both of them that i did not want to be in anyway involved or put in the middle of this situation and that quite frankly I thought it was a terrible.
* "Charleen" began bringing other "gentlemen callers" home at crazy times of the night
* "Raymond" started asking me what was gonig on and telling me how much he liked her
* "Charleen" made me promise not to tell him
* I told both of them i would not tell anything... but if anyone asked me, i was not going to lie.
and then the bombshell dropped
THEY BOTH CONTRACTED CHLAMYDIA. yup... you read it....
so...
* "Raymond" and "Charleen" are both mad at each other - I take "Raymond" out for brekkie to cheer him up where I was tricked into telling him about "Charleen's" other friends...
* Upon realising this deception i made him promise to not to tell her it told him... which he then (unbeknownst to me) did and them made up all this nasty stuff i had apparently told him to make himself look better.
* "Raymond" let me know that apparently the "shit had hit the fan" which essentially means "Raymond" had yelled at "Charleen" and upset her and made her feel worse than the STD's were.
* "Charleen" then came home and says to me "so much for staying out of it..." slammed the door and refused to speak to me.
* I have no idea what is going on - apart from the fact my wonderful apartment is now a war zone.
* I try to explain to her the extent of my lack of involvement... that whatever else has been said to her is obviously a lie
* She then tells this to Raymond
* Raymond now cracks the shits at me
* The entire situation escalates around me to the point i do not want to be anywhere near my house
* I decide to face the music and return home to find a party going on with "Charleen's" friends where they smashed, are using my stuff (including laptop and cameras) and hurl abuse at me for something I never did!
* I pack a bag and leave the house and retreat to David's for the night... the poor guy was in the middle of his second preview for his big new show and gets a hysterical phone call from a looney homeless girl.
THEN
* I get a phone call from a friend of mine Jen (that's her real name) who's boyfriend is moving out and she needs someone to move in.
* I tell her i will take the room.
which leaves me where i am... in limbo between my old house i once loved in the city with two psychos and a new house miles out of the city with a friend...
And that is the story of how my house spontaneously combusted.
A note for all of you - never sleep with your housemate - especially if they have Chlamydia
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