Welcome to the Next Year

I have sat here about five times now trying to write my christmas/NYE blog... laughing at 2006, plans for 2007... but for some reason its just not happening.

I have no "Best of 2006" quibs and jibes.... there isn't a "now here is the list of things that I am gonna do this year" infact.... for the first time ever I can stand here and say

I have no idea what i am doing or what is going to happen in this, the 27th year of my life. (dear god am i nearly 27???)

I think this is actually a good thing... i think this means i have finally come to terms with the fact that every time i make any plans they never happen anyway and that in this rediculous world we have all created, the path of our lives is not really that dependant on us. Yes we make the decisions that shape said life, but the choices that are offered up to us are rarely the ones we design.

Four months ago i spent my life planning dates, drinks, dinners and days out, busying myself around my work and was always running somewhere to do something. To be out and be busy and be seen. I was always thinking, whats going to happen next, where am I going next, where is this going, how can i make this work and this happen and keep juggling all these balls in the air?

But suddenly at the end of the year, for no concious reason, mearely by a result of circumstanes, i just stopped doing it. Stopped the running and the planning, to just sit and exist. I wake up each day and really have no idea what is going to happen or where I am going to go. And for now... thats enough for me. I sit here and find an overwhelming need to just be. To just shut up live in and enjoy today with out any judgement of where it will lead me and what it can "do" for me. Is this my Oprah moment? perhaps. Is it career suicide? Perhaps!

In all honesty I find myself faced with a few choices right now and am really not sure which way to go or which path to take... so I'm just going to sit here at the cross roads for a while until I work out what I'm going to do.

I guess you could say I am easing my way into 2007... instead of kicking the door of each year in and marching in singing "Hey world here i am" this time... i am opening the door, walking in and taking a look around the room before I burst back into song.

Dear god I'm getting old.....

For the record... xmas was spent eating myself into a food coma in southampton and meeting Craig Mcglaughlin and the last few seconds of 2006 was spent on the roof of a theatre with the man I love watching fireworks bursting all over London. Not a bad end to a transforming year