Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Get on the Soap Box... a Political Piece


There are some things in my own little world that I am known for...

* messy bedrooms
* drunken phone messages
* spelling mistakes
* soap opera love life
* inappropriate behavior

The list goes on... however - nowhere on that list would you find "passion for american politics". But my friends... its there. In fact, it over shadows my passion I have for the politics of the country in which I was born in, and of the one i now live in. I don't know why.

Don't get me wrong, I love that John Howard lost his job and that Kevin Rudd is running the country from his Queensland Veranda, I also think that Gordon Brown is in no way the right person to be running the UK, but there is something about the glamour and razzamatazz of US politics I find increasingly fascinating. And my friends... we are indeed in an exciting time.

As we all know, 2008 marks the end of George W Bush's hideous 8 years in the white house - and as the rest of the world sighs with relief that the "misunderstimated" cowboy will be packing his bags and riding off into the sunset, the focus now tuns to the big question of who will be the one to replace him? Who is going to clean up this mess that George will leave behind? After eight years of clumsy republican rule... the spotlight is of course on the democratic race... who will win the election for them? Now up until the past couple of weeks I simply assumed that it would have to be Hillary Clinton.

First female president, already spent 8 years in the white house and really... anyone who can be married to Big Bill must have the diplomacy skills to run the USA... No... she is not against the war, but has that polished and maticulously groomed vaneer that would win over middle america and get all the baby boomer wives out and voting. It makes sense... her man cheated, she stood by him... now she gets to run the world. (Of course, I am not whittling the race to run one of the most powerful countries into the world down to who survived their relationship troubles the best... but there are people out there who do...) And really to be honest... I love Bill Clinton's arrogance and bravado... and i love the idea of him being the first gentleman.

Big Bill playing his saxaphone, smoking cigars and terrorising interns while Hillary runs the country...(some would say that was what happened during his presidency anyway...) Its a two for one deal - vote for Hillary but get Bill as well. A modern twist on a nostalgic return to the way things were before the horror of 9/11 and this rediculous war. Who can argue with that?

I had looked at the other candidates a bit, but it just seemed pointless as nothing could really beat the formidable force of team Clinton...

But then something happened. Pretty much the only thing that could tip Hillary's popularity with middle America's female voters. Something that I never thought would actually ever happen.

And that something... was Ms. Oprah Winfrey.

Yup. The most influential woman in the world got up and had something to say. She had just two words... Barack Obama.

Now - if you know me well you will know of my love of all things Oprah. I think she is an amazing woman who is a formidable force and a fascinating person to watch. Her self made wealth, influence and power is truly something to behold and her micro managed image had never dared before go anywhere near the the world of politics in such a direct and partisan manner. Yes she interviews them, yes she pushed people to make informed voting decisions, but she has never openly supported a candidate to this extent. And like it or not... when Oprah talks... people listen.

So... I wondered what would make someone of her platform and stature make such a public statement of support and go on to actively campaign for his nomination? I did a little reading and folks... at this stage... I think she's onto something.

Think about it for a moment.... President Barack Hussein Obama. On a horrendously basic and watered down level, think of the value of this man's face. Consider the hypothetical. It's November 2008. A young pakistani Muslim, too young to remember a time before the bush years, is watching television and sees that this man is the new face of America. A brown skinned man whose father was an African, who grew up in Indonesia and Hawaii, who attended a majority-Muslim school as a boy, is now the alleged enemy. If you want the crudest but most effective weapon against the demonization of America that fuels Islamist ideology, Obama's face gets close. It proves them wrong about what America is in ways no words can.

The logic behind the candicy of Barack Obama is not, in the end, about Barack Obama. It has little to do with his policy proposals, which are very close to his Democratic rivals'. It has even less to do with his ideological pedigree or legal background or rhetoric skills. Yes, as many profiles prove, he has considerable intelligence - But so do others, not least his formidably polished and practised opponent Hillary Clinton. He is, moreover, no saint. He has flaws and tics, often tired, sometimes grumpy. By record he is a surprisingly uneven campaigner. but to be honest, I have always been one to prefer people who show their true flaws rather than the ones with a well manufactured vaneer that does not entirely ring true. (Stand up Mrs Clinton....)You can see why many of his friends and admirers have urged him to wait. He could be be president in five or nine years' time - what's the rush?

But he knows, and acknowledges, that the fundamental point of his candidacy is that is happening now. Just like the theatre, in politics timing matters. And the most persuasive case for Obama has less to do with him, than the moment he is meeting. A moment of massive change. It has been a long time coming. So much has happened in America in the past seven years, let alone the past forty, that people can be forgiven for focusing on the present and the immediate future.

At its best, the Obama candicy is about ending a war - not so much the war in Iraq, which now has the momentum that will propel the occupation into the next decade - but the brewing war non violent within America. It is a war about war- about culture and religion and about race. And like it or not... this bleeds into the rest of the world. Into the UK and into Australia - who are so heavily influenced and effected by what goes on in the States. The trauma of 9/11, the war and hurricane Katrina, has tended to obscure the memory of an unprecedentedly bitter election, and its aftermath. But its legacy is still very much with us... made far worse by Bushs's approach to dealing with it. Despite losing the popular vote seven years ago, he governed as if he had won in a landslide.

With 9/11, he had a "reset moment" - a chance to reunite the country in a way that would marginalize the extreme haters and forge a national consensus. He chose not to do so. Instead - his chose to terrify and polarise his country - filling many people with paranoia. This is the critical context for the election of 2008. Of the possible candidates, Obama seems to be the one who can bridge a widening partisan gulf. It isn't about his policies as much as it is about his person. The war today matters enormously and for people who want to get beyond the battles of an older generation and face today's actual problems - Obama looks to be the man. He is the only candidate who who has been against the war from its out set - and more excitingly - against it for the right reasons.

I quote his speach from 2002 - five months before the war -

"I don't oppose all wars. And I know that in this crowd today, there is no shortage of patriots, or of patriotism. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war …

I know that even a successful war against Iraq will require a U.S. occupation of undetermined length, at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences. I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the Arab world, and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda. I am not opposed to all wars. I'm opposed to dumb wars."

He is not against the use of force - but is flexable in dealing with it. He is the among the first democrats in a generation not to be afraid of ashamed of what they actually believe, he does not smell - as some others do, of political fear.

What I also love about Obama is his approach to religion. Which is a massive part of any American political debate. He was brought up in a nonreligious home and converted to Christianity as an adult. But - he is not a "born again." His faith is a modern, intellectual christianity. A difficult balance to find in todays world that moves forward at a terrifying technological and scientific speed. One of my favorite quotes from him so far is that "faith does not mean you don't have doubts."

Now... there are some very clear reasons as to why he has called on the almighty Oprah to help him out a month before the democratic leader is elected. His weakest supporters are middle aged women and African Americans. A large number of whom are backing a white woman for president. Obama has been accused of "acting like he's white" by Jesse Jackson, that he has spent too much time trying to get white America to love him. Its a racial mine field this man is walking right now. But - with Oprah's recent and very vocal endorsement - it can be tip toed around.

"We can have a crime policy thats both tough and smart If you're convicted of a crime involving drugs, you should be punished. But lets not make the punishment for crack cocain that much more severe than powder cocaine when the real difference between the two is the skin colour of the people using them. Judges think thats wrong, Republicans think thats wrong, Democrats think thats wrong, and yet its been approved by the republican and democratic presidents because no one has been willing to brave the politics and make it right. This will end when I am president."

I like what this man is saying....

Now for all intents and purposes - a campaigning politician is all sound and fury - full of the promise of a first date. Like imaging mini breaks and couples dinner parties - Barack gives me reason to imagine a positive and exciting leader of one of the worlds most powerful countries.

There is nothing to prove that he will be the president I am dreaming of. His record in high office is space, his performances on the campaign trail are patchy, his chief rival Hillary has beaten him often with her relentless pursuit of the middle ground. At times she has even appeared more like able than the skinny, sometimes crabby and morose newcomer from Chicago. Clinton instills a sense of security along with the smiling nostalgia of her husband. The thing is that she makes more sense if you believe that times are pretty good - that the environmental, military and racial crisis are not deep ones. That the lingering trauma of the Bush presidency and the polarisation of beliefs he has left in his wake is an illusion - the the argument for Obama is not that strong. Clinton will do and a Clinton vs. Giuliani race will be the predictable end.

But I think, that greater danger lies ahead - that the choices we make now are the crucial ones. Sometimes, when the world is changing rapidly - the greater risk is caution. We have had a white house filled with four years of Bush Sr, eight years of Mr. Clinton and 8 years of Bush Jr. As Oprah says... if we keep making the same choices... nothing is ever going to change.

I am not against Hilary Clinton for president - I would love a woman to be running that government... but i have to say... in light of my recent research... I don't think she's the one. I cannot vote in this election, nor can I tell any of my friends in the USA how to think or who to vote for. But I just think... this is an exciting time... and indeed an exciting opportunity in history.

There's hope for the future friends...

And now i will get off my soap box and go back to doing what i do best... messing up my room and drunk dialing my friends.

Sunday, 2 December 2007

Going Away for A Little While.




**DISCLAIMER - ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT INNOCENT VICTIMS IDENTITY**


So… I thought I would drop you all a little note to let you know I will be away for a while. I have made a major decision.

After much deliberation and reflection on my life, I have decided to go back to school.

I am enrolling in Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

Seriously.

Yes… I am going to be with the X-men and learn to harness my powers.

I have finally realised that I am blessed with super powers. I say “blessed”… right now they feel more like a curse, but I am remaining positive and holding firm to the belief that, once learning how to control them, I will one day use them for good instead of evil.

You see… it seems that I have powers to drive people insane. More particularly men… actually to be perfectly honest (and let’s face it… at times like these, I really should be) I have the power to turn perfectly sane men completely psychotic. And how do I do this?

By dating them.

Yes. It appears that when I date someone for any degree of time… they lose their minds. With no rhyme nor reason… without warning… they go mad.

You think I am exaggerating?

Have a look at the past seventy two hours of my life.

• WHEN GOOD BOOTY CALLS GO BAD

I had a friend… let’s call him “Ken.” Ken and I met four years ago through mutual friends and through the haze of alcohol and a nightclub – decided we liked each other. Ken and I formed a nice little agreement – what happens between no-strings-attached-friends, stays between no-strings-attached-friends. It was casual, it was every now and then and it was fine.

In recent months, our “meetings” became a little more frequent… every month or so we would meet up and everything was fine. Until last week. Ken and I had both been away on different trips and decided to meet up for a drink to catch up on each other’s lives. We chatted, we laughed, we drank and then Ken looked at me and said… “What do you think about making this more of a regular thing? You know… you and me?”

I paused…and looked at him and said… “um… yeah… if you want”

This suggestion had come from completely left field. Every one knows you never try to make a relationship out of a booty call… but he was offering me trips away in February, a date on New Years Eve… and I thought… if we take it slow… it could be nice… one day at a time.

So we arranged to meet up the following night with his mates to go and see a concert in Brixton.

I get there… we’re laughing, we’re drinking, we’re having a great time… we’re in the VIP bar hanging out… dancing…laughing. We go downstairs… we’re in the concert, we’re all hanging out… he’s telling me he cant wait to take me home… that everything is fabulous… and again I think… yeah… if we take it slow… maybe it wont be a totally train wreck.

Then he goes quiet.

For about ten minutes.

Then… out of nowhere, he turns around and says.

“No… no… this is it. We’re done. It’s over. This is as far as we go.”

Um…what?

“We’re over Amy. It’s the end of the road. You need to leave.”

Um… sorry?

“I’m feeling really uncomfortable… you have to leave. Its over, it’s done. Just go.”

Remember this is in the middle of a mosh pit at a rock concert in Brixton.

“Ken… you’re my friend… I’ve known you four years.. we’re friends… we’re chilled out… what the hell is this?”

He points to the door.

“Just leave.”

So… in total shock… I started to walk away… and then thought OH NO YOU FUCKING DON’T.

I went back into the mosh pit, grabbed his wrist and pulled him aside.

“You are being a complete psycho… I’ve known you ages… what the hell is going on.. you at least owe me some kind of explanation…I’m you’re friend”

“Amy, I don’t have the words to explain how I am feeling… we are over. You are no longer in my life. You have to leave.”

“Ken, ten minutes ago you were telling me you wanted to take me home and do all sorts of inappropriate things to me… you were going to take me away… you wanted to make this more of a regular thing… do you understand why I am confused? I have missed a beat here.”

“Amy… there are no words… just F*** OFF”

And with that… he pushed me into a crowd of people.

And perhaps in my classiest moment ever… I threw the C word at him and left.

I got outside, at 1am, in the pouring rain, in one of the most dangerous parts of London… and I burst into tears.

By some force of nature, a friend I had known four years had turned completely PSYCHO.

And then I started think… this is not the first time this has happened.

Step right up folks and welcome to the freak show… my dating history.

I swear to you that all of these stories are true…

• TURKISH DELIGHT
The Turkish bartender who assured me he was all rock and roll and that we’d have some fun and that was it…

Then… out of the blue he turned around and grabbed me by the face and whispered… while trembling…

“My love for you is terrifying… no one else will ever love you… I am consumed by it.”

The next words out of his mouth were

“Oh and by the way I am divorced and have been in jail on charges of domestic violence.”

He sat on my bedroom floor and cried for three hours when I told him I needed some space.

• THERE GOES THE GOOD CHINA
A friend of a friend had moved into town and I offered to help him get settled. We listened to music, we unpacked boxes, we cooked cheese on toast. I stayed the night – remained fully clothed – but the next morning I heard him mumbling to himself in the kitchen… “What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?” I came into the room to make sure all was ok... he threw a plate and it smashed against the wall by my head. He shouted “YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.”

I didn’t wait to find out what “everything” was.

• ICE HOCKEY MADNESS.
Well… the details of this one in are a previous blog titled “back in the sadle” on myspace.com/maidenamy – but here’s the basic idea:

Met in Starbucks – went for a drink – he was an ex ice hockey player. He called me his girlfriend after one kiss – sent me 75 text messages in one night about our future together - I asked him via text message to casually chill out – and he FLIPPED OUT – again… via text messages.

“You're a *bleep*… What a complete *bleep*… How can you treat men like this you *bleep*… You deserve to be *bleeped*…"

On and on and on they went… for three days…. Until either he got bored of my silence or his phone credit ran out… I think the last thing I heard from him was:

"You can play your mind games with the next guy you mess with… its just another notch in your bed you filthy *bleep*"

Methinks its one too many hits with the hockey stick…

• THE TERRIFYING CLOWN.
A comedian I met in Edinburgh, I thought he was sexy and funny. I gave him my number.

He texted me, we flirted – it was cute. However, upon agreeing to meet up for drink he turned around and told me he had a girlfriend and accused me of being a home wrecker who was trying to ruin his relationship.

I asked him if this was a joke… apparently it wasnt.

• THE CASTING COUCH
A wannabe big shot met I met at a party. We had common friends and he knew my ex. (Lets call the ex “Barry”) We drank, we laughed, we shared a cab home. I was not in any way interested, but he was a useful connection to have and if I could start a friendship that would be good. Apparently he had other ideas. During the ride home he felt me up whilst telling me his son was my age. To top it off, as I got out of the cab to go home (alone) he said “I bet I can F*** you like Barry did.”

Um… no old man… no you can’t.

• NOT SO ROCK AND ROLL NOW
The bass player I met with friends who got my number and started calling me despite the fact he had a girlfriend. Nothing ever happened, we lived on different sides of the planet, but when she found out he was contacting me – she dumped him. (Fair enough…) Then… a week later I get an email stating that his girlfriend is pregnant, that he could never again speak to me and that I am an evil temptress.

Ok.

• MR. BIG
A career minded man who dazzled me with the glamour of his world. He seemed perfectly normal and actually quite amazing… Infact I loved him. And probably always will.

But while he was away on a business trip my magical powers took a long distance hold and he sadly he came back yet another victim.

Yes… he hid it well, but the tell tail signs were there… I had done it again.

You see what I mean?

The evidence is clear – there is no other logical explanation to this behaviour other than I have magical powers to turn men insane.

And so it has come to this… I have no choice but to come to terms with it… and harness it. YES! I will sacrifice a settled life to rid the world of evil. I will date them, send them mad and drive them away.

Planet Earth… you are welcome.